Friendship Goals

The Winner’s Circle

/ britjames10 / 1 Comment

A few months ago, I read a quote that said, “pay close attention to the people who don’t clap when you win.” And while I don’t think it’s a bad quote. . . it was just something about it that didn’t sit right with me.

I have literally watched the clips of Viola Davis and Regina King accepting their Emmy awards in September 2015 about 10 times a piece, and in each clip I could only pay attention to one person, Taraji P. Henson; she is clapping the loudest. The way she celebrates the wins for her girls is unreal nowadays! Taraji’s reaction was so heartwarming and genuine, especially for Viola because they were up for the exact same award; however she seemed excited just like she had won.

Watching those clips literally brought a little water to my eyes because I strive to be the exact same way when it comes to the people in my life. I do my very best to support them, and celebrate them, and brag on their every accomplishment; no matter how big or small it may seem.

Those clips, along with the past few years of my life have reassured me that it’s not worth my while to pay attention to the people who are not clapping. It’s in my best interest to give my energy to those who are cheering me on, and are making the efforts to ensure that I win.

Those who notice when I’m a little distant, so they shoot me a text message to check on me because they understand my mood swings. They notice the few times when I’m just standing still, and give me the pep talks I need to get motivated.

Those who notice when I’m silent, and instead of jumping to conclusions, or getting offended because I haven’t returned their call in a few days, they keep me in their thoughts and prayers because they know that I am secretly an introvert, and I just need to be recharged.

Those who recognize the greatness inside of me, and they give me an extra push me to the next step because they know that I’ve given my all pushing other people.

Those who are running this race with me, and when I slow down, they wait for me and encourage me to speed up. They help me to see it through to the end.

Those who don’t mind challenging my sometimes one-sided way of thinking, they help me see to the big picture. The ones who will go toe to toe with me in order to crush that petty desire to always be right.

Those who only want to see me win, and when I do, they pull out all the stops, the balloons, the cake, and the confetti to show me just how proud they are.

I am only concerned about the Winner’s Circle.

So many times, we waste our energy on people and things that won’t help us advance; or we start to be jealous of everyone else’s elevation. Remember, we become like the people we spend the most time with. If you are surrounded by winners, even if you haven’t won yet, hold on tight because your time is coming. This year, try to solely focus on the ones that are actually clapping for you. And then start clapping for them, and watch how things begin to work in your favor.

Read this next statement over and over until you get it on the inside: When you genuinely celebrate the people in your life, great things will start to happen to and for you.

The more I plant seeds of support, the more I celebrate and lift up the people in my life, the more wonderful things continue to happen for me. From the career advancements, to successful first dates. From receiving that college degree, to new house-warming parties. From getting married, to reaching weight loss goals. From welcoming a new baby, to leaving that comfortable 9 to 5 to start a new business venture. From paying off some major debt, to finally taking that dream vacation. I am so overjoyed with all the WINS that I’ve had a chance to celebrate within the past 12 months! So much can happen in a year, and my people have been truly making some major moves. When they win, I WIN.

The past 400 days have shown me just how important sowing seeds of support are; my circle, near and far, moved mountains for me. The sacrifice was something I didn’t know existed. From bridal showers, to my birthday, to Wonder Girl Weekend, to bachelorette festivities, to the wedding celebration, to post wedding vacations, to even looking out for my husband and my mother, the encouragement and the love has been overwhelming; my people took care of me. They made sure that Twenty Fifteen was one of the best years of my life!

Twenty Sixteen is the year that I vow to be as intentionally supportive as I possibly can. This year, I won’t just clap, I’m going to stand, clap, jump, ring my cow bell, blow my air horn, and yell their names to the top of my lungs! It is my desire that everyone connected to me wins.

Winners like to see other people win. So I will continue to be the person that gives the standing ovation any time someone in my circle reaches a milestone; and I encourage you to do the same. Be sure to volunteer to plan and host the celebration party, no matter how big or small!

I challenge each of you to make it a priority to invest in your circle. Let’s start sharing, promoting, and speaking highly of the people that we actually know personally. It is so imperative that you support and encourage the people in your life on a regular basis. I am really appreciative for everyone who’s apart of my Winner’s Circle, and I want to make sure they always know it.

~B.

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Help Me Level Up

/ britjames10 / 1 Comment

A few months ago, I read something that said:

“Be friends with people who force you to level up.”

Level Up (v.) is an action idiom, so that means the friends are forcing some type of action to take place. To me that quote means, be friends with people who force you to:  achieve, improve, excel, move forward, enhance, advance, be responsible, be accountable, be honest, be loyal, be better.

A few days ago, a friend of mine checked me. And I’m not talking about a beating around the bush/throwing shade kind of checking. I’m talking about a very direct, in your face “Brit you are wrong” type of checking. Now at first, I’ll admit. . .I was half-way ticked off. For about 2 minutes, I allowed my mind to GO THERE. “I mean, she has some kind of nerve coming at me, telling me that I was wrong. I’m not wrong, they are wrong. Like who does she think she is?! She’s supposed to be on my side anyway. She’s my friend. How dare she go against what I feel?!”

Then, during my morning meditation the next day, I started to think about how wonderful it is to have people in my life that aren’t afraid to be brutally honest with me. They will tell me the truth even if it means offending me. I am actually grateful to be connected with honest folks that don’t mind challenging me. I am blessed to have some “You are wrong Brit” people in my life. Because I have learned that it is that type of raw honesty that’s going to help me be real with myself; so that I can get rid of anything weighing me down in order to get to my next level. It is that type of friend that will be there to ensure that I level up.

So many times we are looking for those people that will say “You are always right.” The folks that know we are dead wrong, yet they will lie to us to make us feel better. We tend to want those people that will go along to get along. The people that will tell us what we want to hear, rather than what we need to hear. Not realizing that those types of people are actually holding us back.  They are the ones that are usually comfortable in their mess, so they do all they can to keep us satisfied so that we can keep them company. And honestly, they don’t love or care about us. Because when you love and care about someone, you are honest with them.

“If a friend isn’t pushing you forward, they are holding you back.”

One of my favorite quotes is, “The ugly truth is better than a pretty lie.” The older I get, the more I realize I need that honest-to-God truth. Honesty helps to build character. And whether I totally agree with my friend or not, I’m just glad that she loves and respects me enough to be honest with me. She cared enough to say what I’m sure some others may have been thinking. We need those friends who will be just like the car visor mirror, and help us to look deep inside and see every flaw and blemish that we thought we could hide with the filters of dishonesty, denial, and deception.

It is so important to have friendships that are deeper than gossiping and grabbing a few drinks. More than just social media posts and going out. We need friends that will bring balance and order to our lives.

In order to level up, we need those people who will hold us accountable, and help push and motivate us to do better. We need those people who won’t allow us to stay stuck, and be lazy or complacent. Those people who will tell us when we are falling back into some of our old habits; and then give us ways to recover.

We must have people we can share our fears and aspirations with. The ones who we can tell our business ideas and they have the faith to believe it. People we can share good news about our jobs or intimate relationships, and they not get jealous and start hating. Those friends that refuse to allow us to settle for less than we deserve.

It’s important to have friends that will attend church with you, and pray for you without you having to ask. I’m talking about the ones that won’t just discuss Empire and the Falcons game, but they will also have in-depth conversations about things that are spiritual and life-altering.

You must have friends who know exactly what to say, and also know when to say nothing at all.

Make sure you have that crew that will laugh and cry with you. The ones that will send you random text messages just to see how you’re doing. You need those people that will rearrange their schedules to be there for you, no matter the distance; even when it’s inconvenient for them.

Have friends you can take naps with, or even sit in silence and do nothing with; as well as the ones you talk to about any and every thing for hours at a time. You need people that will invite you to brunch, and pick up the tab. It’s good to have friends that will go see the midnight showing of the new Hunger Games movie, and travel around the world with you. And let’s not forget the ones that will not only work-out with you, but they will also help you meal prep.

Be thankful for the ones who will encourage you to budget, and help you develop vision boards for your life plans. You need those friends that will cheer you on, and celebrate your accomplishments.

Be sure to have those friends who support your life goals, and believe in your dreams. You need friends who you can look up too. Those positive influences who are inspirations to your life, and make you want to level up.

Surround yourself with people who make you a better person. And the next time you are in the presence of those friends, whether it be 2 or 10, be sure to tell each of them thank you. Make sure they know that you appreciate them for forcing you to level up; and that you are grateful for all that they add to your life.

~B.

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