Author: britjames10

Just Checking On You

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A few weeks ago, a friend and I were talking, and we both agreed that we are glad to see people opening up and talking about mental and emotional health.  Whether it’s a current struggle, something you are overcoming, or if you just want to bring awareness, please keep talking.

I’ve learned that talking it out with the right people is essential.

Don’t get me wrong,

  • Praying helps
  • Writing helps
  • Sleeping helps
  • Meditating helps
  • Crying it out helps
  • Going for a walk helps
  • Attending church helps
  • Listening to music helps
  • Doing things you enjoy helps
  • Logging off of social media helps
  • Reading inspirational things helps
  • Being around people you love helps

But from my experience, talking it out with the right people heals.

It’s just something about releasing to another human being, who is supportive, non-judgmental and empathetic. Whether it’s a licensed therapist, a clergy member, a spiritual advisor, a wise relative, or a trusted friend, please FREE YOURSELF from that confusion, that sadness, that anger, that loneliness, that bitterness, and that pent-up frustration. Talk it out. In most cases, you’ll feel better once you do.

Try not to allow shame, guilt, fear, or even the thought of sounding crazy, to keep you silent. Also, try to block out the negative opinions of others about your situation. Believe me; I know that it is much easier said than done because sometimes even the people we love can be so harsh and critical about things they don’t quite understand, or things that they aren’t currently battling.

“Talking openly about your mental health, is not attention seeking.”

We have to stop making people feel small or over-dramatic for being expressive, and talking about their setbacks or inner struggles. So many people are literally in the fight for their lives every day.  And thankfully, each day is a new chance to keep fighting for that peace of mind, which most people are so desperately seeking.

Depression is real. Anxiety is real. Low self-esteem is real. Doubt is real. Grief is real. Stress is real. PTSD is real. Postpartum depression is real. Self-hate is real. But so is joy. And cheer. And happiness. And hope. And peace. And contentment. And self-love. And liberation.

I truly believe that it is past time for us to remove the stigma in regards to mental health. Just as doctors encourage us to take care of our physical health, and as pastors preach that we need to take care of our spiritual health, I am encouraging you to add mental and emotional health to the conversations as well. Just a safe space to be expressive and to talk it out, may be the fresh wind someone you’re connected to needs to keep pushing.

I keep seeing it posted on social media, “check on your strong friend.” But let’s be honest, at some point during the friendship, each friend wears the title of “strong friend.” And sometimes when people are going through things, the warning signs are not always clear.  So how about this: Check on your people. Check on your gang. Check on your bros. Check on your sister friends. Check on your inner circle. Check on your clique. Check on your besties. Check on your tribe. Check on your friends.

Just one “How are you feeling?” “How are you doing?” “What’s been going on?” “Are you okay?” “How was your day?” “Just checking on you.” “Do you need anything?”  “You good?” phone call could very well save someone’s life.

I encourage you to make that phone call, or even send the text message to someone you love today. ~B

Live Your Best Life

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“Life loves the liver of it. You must live and life will be good to you.” – Dr. Maya Angelou

The year 2017, with all its twists & turns, excitement and surprises, taught me one valuable life lesson, I have absolutely no more time to waste time.

Say this with me: There is no more time to waste time.

When some of my friends and I declared that 2018 would be the year of Reclaiming Our Time, I meant that down in my soul. I made a promise to myself, that for the rest of my life, every thing I do will be intentional. Every single thing, no matter how big or small, will be purposeful and beneficial.

We must remember that life is but a vapor, and that the only thing in life that is constant, is change. If it doesn’t serve you a purpose, let it go. If it isn’t adding any value to your life, cut it. If it isn’t bringing you any peace, and all you’re feeling is negativity, release it. If the people in your life aren’t pushing you forward, they are holding you back, set them free too.

Know this, no matter what season you’re in, no matter how old or young you are, no matter what setbacks you may be experiencing, it is truly possible to reclaim your time, and start living your best life. As long as you’re prepared to receive, you can take full advantage of all life has to offer.

That trip, book it.
That class, take it.
That house, buy it.
That dream, live it.
That book, write it.
That event, plan it.
That project, start it.
That job, apply for it.
That organization, join it.
That vision, make it plain.
Your time, reclaim it.

We have to be willing to take the necessary steps towards the life that we want. And yes, there will be some challenges, however, we must be careful not to let our own complacency, or “fear of the unknown” hinder us and cause us to sit on the sidelines while life is happening. I also want to encourage you, to not give other people the permission to dictate what living your best life is. Sometimes we allow the people in our lives to place us in a box; and most of the times they are unknowingly preventing us from reaching our fullest potential.

Ignore the negative opinions and stay away from the pessimists; surround yourself with positivity and live your BEST life!

January’s Affirmation: I release my attachment to everything that no longer serves me. I refuse to let anything or anyone hold me back!

~B.

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New Faces

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 “Sometimes the people whom we’ve known for only a short amount of time have a bigger impact on us than those we’ve known forever.”

A couple of months ago, I journeyed to a new country with some new faces, and had the time of my life! Everything was so fun, easy-going, and chill. There was no drama, no complaining. I mean, I almost felt like these faces were not new after all because of how well things went. That’s even true for a group of women at the church I attend; every Sunday for the past couple of years, and I do mean every Sunday, about 7 of us literally laugh and talk about everything under the sun after service until they kick us out. And to be honest, I have sometimes felt more genuineness from these new faces than I do some of my old faces. Spending that short amount of time with different people once a week and even on vacation helped me to appreciate the wonderful people in my life; however, it also made me reevaluate some of the old faces that have been around for years.

Those experiences, along with a conversation with one of my friends definitely changed my perspective as it pertains to making new connections. Mainly because most of my leisure experiences usually include very familiar faces, and I also thought that my “making friends’ stage” of life was pretty much over and done with. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Now I’m not saying that I’m going to call everyone in my life, and tell them that they’ve been replaced; because I do have some amazing people who I am connected to. However, I am finally accepting that sometimes you just need to change and/or expand your circle. Actually, I want to encourage everyone I know to either change or expand their circle as often as they see fit. I just believe that there is so much you can gain from healthy connections. And so what if you’ve only known this new face for a short amount of time, if they are contributing to your growth, then they should be added to your life with open arms; and those who aren’t should be dropped off.

A wise woman I know always says, “Your network is your net worth.” Meaning: We are truly the sum of the people that we have in our lives, and the ones that we choose to spend our time with. This is why we must always do a circle check, and make the necessary changes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with readjusting, because truthfully some of the old faces that we are trying so hard to keep around were just supposed to be in our lives temporarily.

We will end up avoiding so many obstacles, if we just stop spending so much precious time and energy on seasonal people. Giving out and pouring out, pouring out and giving out, and end up getting nothing in return. Wasting our time; and time is something that we can’t get back. We have to learn how to literally place people where they need to be in our lives. I expressed to my home-girl that entering another decade has definitely changed my perspective on a lot of things; especially relationships. When someone’s expiration date has arrived, I will start to do what’s necessary to close that door. Because it’s now time for me to start making room for some new faces.

My advice to you is to do the same. As we come to the end of this year, and 2017 resolutions are being drafted and vision boards are being created; start to take inventory of the faces in your life. Are they actually helping you to become a better person? Are they pushing you to reach your highest potential? Seriously ask yourself: Are these undercover haters or motivators? Do they discourage you or inspire you? Are they growing or standing still? What are they actually contributing to your life?

Life is too short, and time is too valuable to be spent on people that aren’t adding anything of significance to you. I’m not saying go fire all of your old faces, I’m just advising you to take a closer look at them. It may also be time for you to close some doors, and make room for some new faces.

“There are times when God has to change your circle, in order to change your life.”

~B.

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Move In Silence

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A lot of times we miss out on our open doors, opportunities, and blessings because we speak way too soon.

I’m going to give some very simple advice: If you have a couple of trustworthy friends or family members in your life, share your good news with them, and be done with it until the time is right. Speaking too soon, or better yet, posting too soon can sometimes be detrimental. Mainly because sometimes people are just sitting back waiting on something to go wrong for you. Believe it or not, they aren’t praying for your success. They aren’t hoping for the best. They are literally standing by with their cell phones ready to record and screenshot your downfall. Some people are content with you doing well, just not better than them.

The quicker we realize that everyone isn’t in our corner, and that everyone doesn’t have our best interest at heart, the easier it will be to practice moving in silence.

This year, I was faced with a couple of difficult situations, and I’ve also had quite a few awesome things happen to me in 2016, however, I was able to keep all of it within my circle, and to be honest it felt really good. I felt secure because we were all on the same page. I’m so glad I don’t have to participate in the social media resolutions about cutting people off, and not taking certain people into 2017. Because in 2016, I can truly say that my trust hasn’t been betrayed. There were experiences that I was very happy to share, while there were some victories that I wanted to hold close. I made the decision to start to be more aware, and intentional about the things I share. Learning to move in silence wasn’t the easiest thing to do; I’m glad I learned how though.

Everything isn’t meant to be shared with everybody.

If you made the mistake of over sharing in 2016, try to do things a little different in 2017. Try to lean more on your support system, especially when you just want to bounce ideas around. Even doctors suggest that newly pregnant women wait until the first trimester is over before they share the good news; mainly because so many things can happen within the first stages of pregnancy.

So if you are waiting on a college acceptance letter, going back to school for another degree, about to purchase a house, waiting on some test scores, pending a promotion, ending a toxic relationship, going on an interview for a new career path, considering a move to a new city, thinking about asking your lady for her hand in marriage, quitting your job, following your dreams, getting a side hustle, launching a new business, and you just can’t keep the excitement to yourself, I suggest that you look within your circle, and just find a few people you trust to  share your thoughts and excitement with until it’s official.  

Remember, timing is everything. Talking too much, moving too fast or prematurely can cause unnecessary issues; and that’s usually because you can be placed in a position to be swayed by other people’s unwanted questions, advice, and opinions. There are also some people who really do love and care about us, however, because they are filled with their own personal fears and doubts, they sometimes unintentionally discourage us from fully carrying out our plans and achieving our goals.

When the right time comes, you will be completely ready to share all of the wonderful news with the world. In 2017, I encourage you to save yourself some trouble by staying focused on your to-do list, and moving in silence.

“Don’t announce the move before it’s made. They’ll see it when you get there.”

~B.

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The Winner’s Circle

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A few months ago, I read a quote that said, “pay close attention to the people who don’t clap when you win.” And while I don’t think it’s a bad quote. . . it was just something about it that didn’t sit right with me.

I have literally watched the clips of Viola Davis and Regina King accepting their Emmy awards in September 2015 about 10 times a piece, and in each clip I could only pay attention to one person, Taraji P. Henson; she is clapping the loudest. The way she celebrates the wins for her girls is unreal nowadays! Taraji’s reaction was so heartwarming and genuine, especially for Viola because they were up for the exact same award; however she seemed excited just like she had won.

Watching those clips literally brought a little water to my eyes because I strive to be the exact same way when it comes to the people in my life. I do my very best to support them, and celebrate them, and brag on their every accomplishment; no matter how big or small it may seem.

Those clips, along with the past few years of my life have reassured me that it’s not worth my while to pay attention to the people who are not clapping. It’s in my best interest to give my energy to those who are cheering me on, and are making the efforts to ensure that I win.

Those who notice when I’m a little distant, so they shoot me a text message to check on me because they understand my mood swings. They notice the few times when I’m just standing still, and give me the pep talks I need to get motivated.

Those who notice when I’m silent, and instead of jumping to conclusions, or getting offended because I haven’t returned their call in a few days, they keep me in their thoughts and prayers because they know that I am secretly an introvert, and I just need to be recharged.

Those who recognize the greatness inside of me, and they give me an extra push me to the next step because they know that I’ve given my all pushing other people.

Those who are running this race with me, and when I slow down, they wait for me and encourage me to speed up. They help me to see it through to the end.

Those who don’t mind challenging my sometimes one-sided way of thinking, they help me see to the big picture. The ones who will go toe to toe with me in order to crush that petty desire to always be right.

Those who only want to see me win, and when I do, they pull out all the stops, the balloons, the cake, and the confetti to show me just how proud they are.

I am only concerned about the Winner’s Circle.

So many times, we waste our energy on people and things that won’t help us advance; or we start to be jealous of everyone else’s elevation. Remember, we become like the people we spend the most time with. If you are surrounded by winners, even if you haven’t won yet, hold on tight because your time is coming. This year, try to solely focus on the ones that are actually clapping for you. And then start clapping for them, and watch how things begin to work in your favor.

Read this next statement over and over until you get it on the inside: When you genuinely celebrate the people in your life, great things will start to happen to and for you.

The more I plant seeds of support, the more I celebrate and lift up the people in my life, the more wonderful things continue to happen for me. From the career advancements, to successful first dates. From receiving that college degree, to new house-warming parties. From getting married, to reaching weight loss goals. From welcoming a new baby, to leaving that comfortable 9 to 5 to start a new business venture. From paying off some major debt, to finally taking that dream vacation. I am so overjoyed with all the WINS that I’ve had a chance to celebrate within the past 12 months! So much can happen in a year, and my people have been truly making some major moves. When they win, I WIN.

The past 400 days have shown me just how important sowing seeds of support are; my circle, near and far, moved mountains for me. The sacrifice was something I didn’t know existed. From bridal showers, to my birthday, to Wonder Girl Weekend, to bachelorette festivities, to the wedding celebration, to post wedding vacations, to even looking out for my husband and my mother, the encouragement and the love has been overwhelming; my people took care of me. They made sure that Twenty Fifteen was one of the best years of my life!

Twenty Sixteen is the year that I vow to be as intentionally supportive as I possibly can. This year, I won’t just clap, I’m going to stand, clap, jump, ring my cow bell, blow my air horn, and yell their names to the top of my lungs! It is my desire that everyone connected to me wins.

Winners like to see other people win. So I will continue to be the person that gives the standing ovation any time someone in my circle reaches a milestone; and I encourage you to do the same. Be sure to volunteer to plan and host the celebration party, no matter how big or small!

I challenge each of you to make it a priority to invest in your circle. Let’s start sharing, promoting, and speaking highly of the people that we actually know personally. It is so imperative that you support and encourage the people in your life on a regular basis. I am really appreciative for everyone who’s apart of my Winner’s Circle, and I want to make sure they always know it.

~B.

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Do The Right Thing

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“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” – Oprah Winfrey

A few weeks ago, I walked out of my office headed to my car and saw some paper on the ground; it was off to the side of the door in our small grass plot. I said to myself, “The wind will just blow it away.” Then I said, “Ok well I’ll just pick it up tomorrow.” But something in me wouldn’t let me get in my car, and just drive away. The way I started to feel, you would’ve thought a dumpster had been knocked over and trash was everywhere, but that wasn’t the case. . . it was a few pieces of paper, and I couldn’t ignore them. I put my bag in the car, grabbed the papers, went back inside the office and placed them in the trash can. And then I was like, wait. . .that was a  test of my integrity. Because until right now, nobody would’ve known whether I  picked up the trash or not. And even though I didn’t receive a thank you, or a pat on the back, that small act made me feel so good on the inside. The warm feeling I felt was more rewarding than a thank you would’ve ever been.

That small situation caused me to take a closer look at my level of integrity. It caused me to ask myself why do I do the things that I do. Is it because I want to be noticed or get some type of acknowledgement? Or, am I doing things because I know it’s the right thing to do? With integrity, the motives, the words, and the actions all go hand in hand. Now, I’ll admit, I try my best to do the right thing when it counts.  But see, that’s the problem, I feel like I should always strive to do the right thing no matter the situation, whether someone knows about it or not. I wanted to be 100% sure that my motives were always in check, so I mentioned it during one of my prayers.

Well let me tell you, EVERY day since then, I have had to pass an integrity quiz before the end of each day. I am starting to notice that more and more. Big tests, small tests. . . life is throwing them at me left and right; and I’m getting better and better. I can no longer just talk the right talk, I am being placed in situations where I always have to walk the right walk. My actions are having to line up with my words, and in some cases. . . that is much easier said than done. And the pressure has been unbelievable, however I am appreciative for the lessons that are being taught. I learned a few years ago, what we say doesn’t make us a better person, but it’s what we DO that counts.

“Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, but your behavior does.”

Something that I now say to myself to help keep me accountable: Do what is right, not what is easy. Listed below are some things that we can start being more conscious of in our everyday lives to help us on this journey of doing the right thing. Because we have to remember, even the smallest things count when integrity is involved.

  • We should just put the shopping cart back in the designated area at the grocery store. Yes, it’s going to take 25 more steps to do it; however those 25 steps will prevent someone’s vehicle from getting scratched up by the cart.
  • If we go into the bathroom and use the last bit of tissue, we shouldn’t leave the dispenser empty. We should get some toilet tissue and replace the roll, so that we don’t leave the next person in a bind.
  • Christians, should act like it Monday through Saturday; not just on Sundays.
  • If you are a professional, act like it. . .yes, even on social media.
  • If you see trash on the ground at your church, or even your job, pick it up.
  • If you see someone struggling to carry something heavy, offer to help, or at least hold the door open.
  • We should avoid situations that will cause us to compromise our values &  beliefs, or be dishonest.
  • We have to keep our word, even if it takes the extra effort.
  • If we’ve wronged someone, we should apologize and make it right.
  • We should make necessary arrangements to show up on time, every time.
  • We must be responsible, and do what we say we will do.
  • We should tell the whole truth.
  • Let’s start to willingly admit our mistakes, and then use those mistakes as opportunities for improvement.
  • We shouldn’t let someone else take the blame for something we did.
  • We should tell the cashier he gave us back too much change.
  • We should never intentionally betray someone’s trust.
  • We should return money that we noticed someone dropped in the parking lot.
  • We should ignore the advice of people telling us how to cheat on our taxes and not get caught.
  • We should go back in the store and pay for something that wasn’t scanned.
“If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.” – Marcus Aurelius

We are quick to tell a white lie to get out of doing something; because come on, a small fib never hurt anybody. Or we will take  few supplies home from work, I mean nobody is going to miss them right? I am a witness that everyday integrity is extremely challenging; however, the good thing is we get a chance to get better at it with each new day. And I know, taking a pen from work or lying about a headache to skip out on choir practice may seem small, however, Albert Einstein has a quote that says “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Over the past 3 decades I have found that quote to be true.

Living a life of integrity is sometimes hard, ok…scratch that, it is VERY difficult at times; however we must realize that it is necessary for our growth. We must always make the effort to take the high road, and do our best to do the right thing no matter what, while encouraging those around us to do the same.

I would be lying if I said it was a breeze because honestly, a lot of the times the shortcuts through the valley look better than the climb up the mountain. However, the one thing I learned about shortcuts is that you don’t learn anything. There are no real rewards at the end of the shortcuts; no pots of gold. We just have to take the climb one step at a time. My mother constantly says, “when you do right, right will follow you.”

Integrity is doing the right thing even when you don’t have to. . .

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one else is looking. . .

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one will ever know. . .

Integrity is doing the right thing when there will be no congratulations or social media shout out for having done so.

In order for great things to happen to us, we must always aim to do what is right, not what is easy.

~B.

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Help Me Level Up

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A few months ago, I read something that said:

“Be friends with people who force you to level up.”

Level Up (v.) is an action idiom, so that means the friends are forcing some type of action to take place. To me that quote means, be friends with people who force you to:  achieve, improve, excel, move forward, enhance, advance, be responsible, be accountable, be honest, be loyal, be better.

A few days ago, a friend of mine checked me. And I’m not talking about a beating around the bush/throwing shade kind of checking. I’m talking about a very direct, in your face “Brit you are wrong” type of checking. Now at first, I’ll admit. . .I was half-way ticked off. For about 2 minutes, I allowed my mind to GO THERE. “I mean, she has some kind of nerve coming at me, telling me that I was wrong. I’m not wrong, they are wrong. Like who does she think she is?! She’s supposed to be on my side anyway. She’s my friend. How dare she go against what I feel?!”

Then, during my morning meditation the next day, I started to think about how wonderful it is to have people in my life that aren’t afraid to be brutally honest with me. They will tell me the truth even if it means offending me. I am actually grateful to be connected with honest folks that don’t mind challenging me. I am blessed to have some “You are wrong Brit” people in my life. Because I have learned that it is that type of raw honesty that’s going to help me be real with myself; so that I can get rid of anything weighing me down in order to get to my next level. It is that type of friend that will be there to ensure that I level up.

So many times we are looking for those people that will say “You are always right.” The folks that know we are dead wrong, yet they will lie to us to make us feel better. We tend to want those people that will go along to get along. The people that will tell us what we want to hear, rather than what we need to hear. Not realizing that those types of people are actually holding us back.  They are the ones that are usually comfortable in their mess, so they do all they can to keep us satisfied so that we can keep them company. And honestly, they don’t love or care about us. Because when you love and care about someone, you are honest with them.

“If a friend isn’t pushing you forward, they are holding you back.”

One of my favorite quotes is, “The ugly truth is better than a pretty lie.” The older I get, the more I realize I need that honest-to-God truth. Honesty helps to build character. And whether I totally agree with my friend or not, I’m just glad that she loves and respects me enough to be honest with me. She cared enough to say what I’m sure some others may have been thinking. We need those friends who will be just like the car visor mirror, and help us to look deep inside and see every flaw and blemish that we thought we could hide with the filters of dishonesty, denial, and deception.

It is so important to have friendships that are deeper than gossiping and grabbing a few drinks. More than just social media posts and going out. We need friends that will bring balance and order to our lives.

In order to level up, we need those people who will hold us accountable, and help push and motivate us to do better. We need those people who won’t allow us to stay stuck, and be lazy or complacent. Those people who will tell us when we are falling back into some of our old habits; and then give us ways to recover.

We must have people we can share our fears and aspirations with. The ones who we can tell our business ideas and they have the faith to believe it. People we can share good news about our jobs or intimate relationships, and they not get jealous and start hating. Those friends that refuse to allow us to settle for less than we deserve.

It’s important to have friends that will attend church with you, and pray for you without you having to ask. I’m talking about the ones that won’t just discuss Empire and the Falcons game, but they will also have in-depth conversations about things that are spiritual and life-altering.

You must have friends who know exactly what to say, and also know when to say nothing at all.

Make sure you have that crew that will laugh and cry with you. The ones that will send you random text messages just to see how you’re doing. You need those people that will rearrange their schedules to be there for you, no matter the distance; even when it’s inconvenient for them.

Have friends you can take naps with, or even sit in silence and do nothing with; as well as the ones you talk to about any and every thing for hours at a time. You need people that will invite you to brunch, and pick up the tab. It’s good to have friends that will go see the midnight showing of the new Hunger Games movie, and travel around the world with you. And let’s not forget the ones that will not only work-out with you, but they will also help you meal prep.

Be thankful for the ones who will encourage you to budget, and help you develop vision boards for your life plans. You need those friends that will cheer you on, and celebrate your accomplishments.

Be sure to have those friends who support your life goals, and believe in your dreams. You need friends who you can look up too. Those positive influences who are inspirations to your life, and make you want to level up.

Surround yourself with people who make you a better person. And the next time you are in the presence of those friends, whether it be 2 or 10, be sure to tell each of them thank you. Make sure they know that you appreciate them for forcing you to level up; and that you are grateful for all that they add to your life.

~B.

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Just Shut-Up and Work!

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“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” ~Maya Angelou

The beginning of spring has been pretty eventful. So many things have been happening in my life, from working 12.5 hour days, to personal drama, to forgetting important things, I felt as though I had way too much going on; like I was about to explode. It’s like everything was just running together. However because I’m the Queen of multi-tasking, I didn’t understand why I was feeling so overwhelmed because honestly, I’m used to having a lot of things happening at the same time.

For about 3 weeks, I was surrounded by a whole bunch of people and a whole lot of noise, however I felt very defeated and alone. I was frustrated because I couldn’t seem to get enough rest. I was aggravated because I felt like the people in my inner circle didn’t seem to try to understand what was going on with me. I wasn’t eating right, so of course that made me hangry. I had to put out fires because some people who I depended on didn’t come through and insisted on playing the blame game. No one wanted to take responsibility, so I automatically felt like it was my fault. My allergies were acting up, I couldn’t stop sneezing. The 1st Annual Wonder Girl Weekend is drawing near, and not only am I chairing the planning committee, I will also be one of the presenters at the summit. Oh, and let’s not forget that I am right in the middle of planning a wedding celebration, and that is a very detailed process all together.

And because of all that was going on, I found myself feeling like I was suffocating. Like I was drowning, and every time I came up for air, it’s like something else would happen.

And honestly, during those moments. . .every time I tried to pray for myself, or just meditate, it’s like I couldn’t because I would just be whining and complaining. If you know me, then you already know that that’s not how I roll, I don’t like to whine. I don’t like excuses. But that’s all I was offering up to God. “God they don’t understand me.” “God change this situation.” “God, why does it have to be this way?” “God, don’t they know I’m tired!” “God can’t they see that I’m trying.” No praises. No thanksgiving. No grateful heart. I was pretty much rejecting the very tasks that God had placed before me. I didn’t even bother to ask Him for the strength and the wisdom to overcome, I just kept complaining.

And then I heard His voice as clear as ever, “Shut-up and do the work.”

God checked me. He reminded me that this work is exactly what I was created for. This work is helping me to fulfill my purpose on this earth. I was created to give of myself daily. I am a service provider, a change agent. My personal mission is to help change the world. This work is going to ensure that my living won’t be in vain, so how dare I continue to complain? It hit me hard, and I immediately felt the conviction. I repented, and I reminded myself that this is the life that I asked God for.  I told Him a long time ago that I would do all I can, while I can because when I leave this world, I want to be emptied of everything He placed inside of me. I don’t want to leave this earth with dreams and visions and goals and purpose still locked up inside of me. My dash (1986 – ____) will mean something!

I had to immediately change my attitude and my perspective.

Now let me help you: Blaming everyone else will not solve anything. We cannot afford to waste energy worrying about the people in our lives, that we love so dearly, not fully understanding all the moving pieces; we must know and trust that they’ll get it soon enough. We can’t waste time trying to make everyone have the same work ethic as we do; we have to be confident that once they see the train moving that they will come aboard. We can’t have a melt down just because someone doesn’t share the same drive or passion as we do; we just have to continue to lead by example with the hopes that we will influence them in a positive way. We can’t get bent out of shape because people don’t think like us, they don’t have the same mindset; as my mom used to always say, it takes all kinds of people to make up the world. We have to remind ourselves that the Creator of the Universe is working on our behalf. He knows exactly what He’s doing, and who He’s doing it with. I always tell people that life is more like a game of chess and not checkers; and God is the Chess Master. Every move is strategic and deliberate, we just have to do our part, remain patient, and trust the process.

Just a month or so ago, I wrote about being Susie Sunshine and seeing the Light in all situations; and I was tested on that very thing. I am grateful to God for the will to do this type of work; serving His people brings the joy and the fulfillment that I need in my life. There is no amount of money that could ever compare to what I feel on the inside. I thank Him for the gift that He has given me. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to impact the lives of young people. And over the years I have learned that the more grateful I am, the more opportunities He gives me. Every time we show God our appreciation for our gifts and talents, He will always open more doors. That’s how it works, and we must remember that every time we have the urge to complain.

Gratefulness opens doors, complaining closes them.

I’ll admit I had a very weak moment, and we all do; but the way we come back from those weak moments is what’s most important. We have to remember that there are people watching us; people who are literally following our lead. They are waiting to see how we respond and react under the pressure of difficult situations and circumstances; from what we say, to our attitude and body language, even down to our posts on social media. There are people in our paths that each of us are responsible for, and accountable too whether we want to be or not.

I want to encourage you to place your vision in front of you as a constant reminder of your purpose. No matter what comes, no matter how hard it gets, just shut-up and do the work! We would hate to see someone else finish what we’ve started because we refused to see it through; but that’s exactly what will happen, just ask the children of Israel. There’s no way in the world I would’ve wandered in the wilderness for that long only to die in the wilderness and never see the promised land. . . all because I had an attitude and wouldn’t stop whining?! (Numbers 14:14-30) It’s just that serious though. There will always be someone willing and able to replace you; just ask King Saul (1 Samuel 16:1-23.) Remember, the show must go on.

Hold on to your assignment, and know that everything (the good, the bad, the ugly) is working together for your good. Keep your eyes fixed on the destiny you must fulfill.

~B.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28)

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I See The Light

/ britjames10 / 2 Comments

What other people think about you is none of your business. It’s their business.

Over the course of my 20+ years of living, there have been people who crossed my path who have wondered the who’s, the what’s, the when’s, the how’s, and the why’s as it pertains to my life. My secret is simply this: I have a relationship with God. He is the One who gets all the credit for the Favor and every blessing that I have ever received.

However, just as blessed as I am, and just as much as God favors me. . .I must admit that I have my share of volcanic eruption trouble that most people wouldn’t be able to handle. I learned a few years ago that when you are Favored, the opposition is always EXTRA. But, instead of praising my opposition, giving energy to it, over-analyzing, and telling all my friends about my many troubles, or about how many people don’t understand me; I have mastered the art of being optimistic. Through every storm, I make it my business to find the sunlight. So you can just call me Susie Sunshine.

Rewind<<<<

For the earlier part of my adult life, I battled with being accepted by others. So I guess I would’ve been labeled as a “people pleaser.” Like, I used to really get bent out of shape if everybody wasn’t on my team. I was very, very indecisive and even when I made a decision, I would second guess it.

Honest Moment: In my young mind, I really thought that I needed the approval of others to strive. I thought I needed their validation.

And I know, in most cases, the people who need that “stamp of approval” usually come from broken situations and messed up family structures, however that wasn’t true in my case. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even friends have always loved and supported me. My parents always made me feel like I could do the impossible. My mom always told me that I was smart, beautiful, and that she was so proud of me, and on and on and on. However, there was something that just wasn’t clicking and about 5 years ago, through the help and counsel of Reverend George Edge, I was finally able to pinpoint the real problem: Britney James. Me; I was the problem. I was the issue. There was a battle going on, on the inside of me. I didn’t feel like myself anymore.

I literally felt bad because things in my life were going well. It sounds crazy, but I felt like a 13-year-old girl trying to fit in. I started to question everything that God has blessed me with. From being intelligent and attractive, to growing up in a two parent home, to having a good job and being able to travel. My thought process had become so dark and negative. I was becoming a pessimist. I wanted to be accepted so badly. I didn’t want to be peculiar. I was being my own worst enemy. I was burning up all my energy, and actually giving up parts of myself just so I could feel “normal.” And so because of that, I was looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. I was like a bucket with holes at the bottom, no matter how much my loved ones poured into me, nothing was staying in.

It’s amazing just how powerful the mind really is!

I wanted to be average, ordinary, and regular. I thought that if I was like everybody else, THEN maybe everybody would accept me. I wanted to be ordinary because honestly, I knew that being extra-ordinary would require too much effort on my part. It would require me to change some things, well a LOT of things. I would have to accept the fact that not everyone was Team Britney. And that’s how Rev. Edge was able to confirm without a shadow of doubt that it was indeed a ploy of the enemy. The enemy was literally killing, stealing, and destroying my peace of mind because he knew that if I allowed him to knock me of course, then I wouldn’t be able to receive all that God had for me. And even though I was faced with a huge problem, I was able to turn to the huge problem solver; God. I had to press Reset. I had to allow Him to reconstruct me; and change my mindset. I had to allow Him to love on me. The guilt that I felt for being set apart, I had to allow Him to ease that. He was able to give me the peace that my mama used to talk about, that peace that surpasses all understanding; literally. I just had to keep my mind stayed on Him. I had to stop worrying about others, and run my own race. It took time, but through the prayers of the righteous and ridding myself of all the junk and negativity, now I can finally say I’m free; I have peace in my mind.  I see the Light. So now I am able to clearly understand and focus on God’s Will for my life.

Fast Forward>>>>

This is why we must make it our business to inspire, motivate, and uplift because we never know what people are battling internally. The battlefield of the mind is something serious, this is why I encourage people to think positively, to look for the Light in every situation, and to also surround themselves with optimistic people.

So many times we focus our attention and give our energy to the wrong things. So what someone said something mean about you, if there’s no truth to it, then it doesn’t matter. So what someone didn’t speak to you first, maybe they didn’t see you, so won’t you try saying hello to them. So what you only have two friends, if they are loyal, honest and trustworthy, that’s all you need.  So what somebody doesn’t think you’re attractive, as long as you can look in the mirror and love every lump and bump, that’s all that matters. So many of us spend way too much time chasing down lies, and we waste energy trying to impress people who have just set their minds not to like us. Stop taking your mind through that mental abuse!

Newsflash: No matter how good you are, there will always be someone who just doesn’t like you. And guess what? That’s not your problem. So stop wasting your valuable time. Remember you will always be too much of something to somebody. Too thick. Too skinny. Too short. Too tall. Too smart. Too slow. Too ambitious. Too lazy. Too passive. Too aggressive.

Wasting your time being so focused about what others are thinking about you serves you nothing. It’s not worth interrupting your peace.

Seeking the approval of others is a complete waste of  time and energy that you will not get back. It will only frustrate you when you can’t please everybody. It’s really not about whether others approve of you, but if you approve of you; and ultimately if God approves of you. This is what counts.

We must remember that trials, tribulations, obstacles, opposition, and even the opinions of others are all a part of life. We must learn not to allow things that don’t matter to bother us. Everything is not a mountain situation, some things are just mole hills; so keep calm, there’s no reason to put all your energy towards it. In the midst of those clouds, just look for the sunlight.

Life is too short to be bitter and negative, unite yourself with the people who bring the most peace. Start to distance yourself from the people who always seem to point out your problems; however they are not willing to help you find solutions to those problems.  Disconnect from people who don’t motivate you to reach your highest potential. I want to encourage you to connect with the people who can see the Light in you; the people who will encourage and uplift you. Link up with the people who will be honest with you, and bring out the best in you. Spend your time with the people who are committed to helping you get to your destiny. From friendships to intimate relationships, surround yourself with Light not darkness.

~B.

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You!” (Isaiah 26:3)

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Social Media 101: You’re The One Posting

/ britjames10 / 4 Comments

You Are The One Posting.

The internet is both good and not so good. The changing times have made us feel like if it isn’t posted on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter then it isn’t legit. From weight loss, to intimate relationships, to friendships, to being a Christian; there is a force that is driving people in 2015 that you must parade every moment of your life on social media in order for people to give you a stamp of approval.

However this is the thing, some times we take it entirely too far, and then have the audacity to get mad when people discuss us. Every high and every low, we feel as though the world needs to know. And honestly, there may be a few people who care, but I’m almost 100% positive that the majority of your friends on Facebook don’t care if your head hurts. They don’t care if the car had a flat tire. They don’t care if the kids are acting a fool. They don’t care if the ex boyfriend’s sister is cray cray and wants to fight. They don’t care if the job ended. They don’t care if the baby daddy is a deadbeat. They don’t care if the boss is rude. They don’t care if the marriage is in trouble. Real talk: Those internet friends that do not genuinely care, are screen-shotting your drama and discussing it with their friends. They are screen-shotting it and sending it to your other co-workers with the hopes that somebody will send it to the boss and get you fired. They are sending it to your Pastor with the hopes that you will be replaced as the choir President. They are sending it to your spouse with the hopes to cause more chaos and confusion. Believe it or not, there are some people who are happy about the hardship and trouble that you are facing. The drama that we choose to put out there is now the topic of everybody’s conversation. And we all know that bad news travels way faster than good news. And sure people will like it and comment on it, but read this next sentence over and over again:

The good, the bad, the ugly, if you post it on social media, please believe we are socializing about it.

So go ahead and delete the status about how everybody is in your business, and how everyone is jealous of your new car, your new job, your new dog, and your new relationship.

I told a few of my friends that social media is better than reality television.

I said earlier, you are the one posting. Since social media is the driving force of the world, when people see you on social networking sites, what do they see? Who do they see? Do they see someone who’s successful? Do they see someone who is always sad and depressed? Do they see someone who is positive and encouraging? Do they see someone who is always complaining? Do they see someone who is informative? Do they see someone who is making power moves? Do they see someone who is always keeping up mess? Do they see someone who is enjoying life?

FYI: We must remember that all most people see of you is your social media. So no matter how you try to flip it, what people read about you on your timeline is the gospel in most of their minds. They don’t really know you, know you. For me, most of my 3500 friends have only seen me maybe once, maybe shared a few conversations with me, so that means they can only judge me by what they see me post. . . right?

So many times, we forget that people judge the book by the cover. In most situations people don’t have time to open it up and read it, so we have to remind ourselves that first impressions are lasting impressions. The way you live on Social Media needs to be consistent with how you live in real life; because there may come a time, when you are face to face with one of those 3500 FB friends.

Social Media 101:

Your social media speaks volumes about you as an individual whether you want it to or not. So when people are discussing you in a negative or positive way, maybe you need to go back and check what you posted last week, last month, or even last year. The Bible tells us that a tree is known by the fruit it bears. So if you profess to be an apple tree, however all we see is oranges, please know that there will be questions. Please know that we will discuss you. No, we are not “judging” you, we are just searching for the apples. Meaning, you can’t post one thing and then do another. Your posts and your actions need to match.

On Sundays you post that you are blessed and highly favored, and you extend the invitation for everybody to come to your church to get their praise on, but by Tuesday you’re whining, cursing, complaining, and talking about how horrible your life is. Sundays and Mondays you seem to be thankful, inspired, and motivated, but Tuesday through Saturday, there doesn’t seem to be a grateful bone in your body. Newsflash: There’s no way in the world that anybody would come praise a God that it seems like is only good on 2 out of the 7 days. Because according to your tweets and posts, you are only in a good mood 25% of the time; being that that’s the only time you even act like a Christian. And since you are the one doing the posting, to the social media world you appear to be a fake and phony, because by our calculations… you are only Christ-like 25% of the time.

You are 25+ years old and you post that you’re looking for a job, but every status is about you getting high or turning up. You don’t see anything wrong with letting the world know that every week, you go out Thursday through Sunday. Your hair is pink, orange & green, and you have piercings all over your face. Newsflash: In this internet age, the minute you turn in an application please know that someone from that company goes to find you on social media, so if all they see is weed and liquor down your timeline, why on earth would they hire you? Why would they want you representing their organization? And since you are the one doing the posting, to the employer and to the social media world you appear to be childish, reckless and irresponsible.

You post that you’re ready to settle down and be in a committed relationship, yet every 4 weeks you are taking a usie” with someone different. You frequently post revealing, half-naked pictures of yourself. You’re always blasting your exes on Facebook. You screenshot and post all the text and the inbox messages between you and the person. You post subliminal statues directed to the new person in their life. Newsflash: Why would anybody want to be in a relationship with you?! Everybody and their brother has seen your assets, and what you have to offer physically. And since you are the one doing the posting, to the social media world and to the person that was once interested in you, you appear to be loose. You appear to be desperate and immature. You are showing that you are kind of emotionally unstable. And honestly, no one can take you seriously when you’ve been in 10 different relationships in one year.

And I know people like to say, they had a weak moment, or they are being real and transparent, and my suggestion for that is: be careful about doing it on Social Media. Some times we give way too much information, and some times we are not quite ready for the reactions of our internet family. Social Media is not the place to bare your soul. It wasn’t designed for that.

If you are going to live your life out loud on these social media outlets, you need to prepare yourself for everything that comes with that.

  1. The whispers, the screen shots, people asking others about you, people being in your business. Don’t get upset about it, just get ready for it.
  2. People discussing what you posted. Please stop being shocked when someone repeats something you POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. That’s what they are supposed to do, socialize about it. So just brace yourself for that.
  3. Just be mindful of what you share. Everything doesn’t have to be posted. Know that once you open it up, you give access to those 3500 people to have an opinion about it.
  4. You paint the picture of how you want the world to view you. If you want people to see you in a positive light, post positive things. If you want to be seen in a negative light, post negative things. It’s just that simple. You have total control over what you post.

I L-O-V-E social media just as much as the next person, however I told myself that my really personal and private moments would stay just that, private and personal. I also try to refrain from being a “Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy” when I’m having a not so good day, I just stay away from social media. And that’s no knock to the women that post the video of their labor & delivery, or the people who post their weight loss struggles, or the people who post every conversation with their best friend, or the people who post about their day, or the people who post everything that is going on in their relationship. It’s your account, so do whatever you want to do. All me and the rest of the social media world want, is for you to spare us the unnecessary posts about people being in your business. Just prepare yourself for all that comes along with being a Social Media Celebrity.

~B.

And Remember:

“People can’t criticize what you don’t publicize.” ~Tomeika Davis  

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