Month: May 2015

I See The Light

/ britjames10 / 2 Comments

What other people think about you is none of your business. It’s their business.

Over the course of my 20+ years of living, there have been people who crossed my path who have wondered the who’s, the what’s, the when’s, the how’s, and the why’s as it pertains to my life. My secret is simply this: I have a relationship with God. He is the One who gets all the credit for the Favor and every blessing that I have ever received.

However, just as blessed as I am, and just as much as God favors me. . .I must admit that I have my share of volcanic eruption trouble that most people wouldn’t be able to handle. I learned a few years ago that when you are Favored, the opposition is always EXTRA. But, instead of praising my opposition, giving energy to it, over-analyzing, and telling all my friends about my many troubles, or about how many people don’t understand me; I have mastered the art of being optimistic. Through every storm, I make it my business to find the sunlight. So you can just call me Susie Sunshine.

Rewind<<<<

For the earlier part of my adult life, I battled with being accepted by others. So I guess I would’ve been labeled as a “people pleaser.” Like, I used to really get bent out of shape if everybody wasn’t on my team. I was very, very indecisive and even when I made a decision, I would second guess it.

Honest Moment: In my young mind, I really thought that I needed the approval of others to strive. I thought I needed their validation.

And I know, in most cases, the people who need that “stamp of approval” usually come from broken situations and messed up family structures, however that wasn’t true in my case. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even friends have always loved and supported me. My parents always made me feel like I could do the impossible. My mom always told me that I was smart, beautiful, and that she was so proud of me, and on and on and on. However, there was something that just wasn’t clicking and about 5 years ago, through the help and counsel of Reverend George Edge, I was finally able to pinpoint the real problem: Britney James. Me; I was the problem. I was the issue. There was a battle going on, on the inside of me. I didn’t feel like myself anymore.

I literally felt bad because things in my life were going well. It sounds crazy, but I felt like a 13-year-old girl trying to fit in. I started to question everything that God has blessed me with. From being intelligent and attractive, to growing up in a two parent home, to having a good job and being able to travel. My thought process had become so dark and negative. I was becoming a pessimist. I wanted to be accepted so badly. I didn’t want to be peculiar. I was being my own worst enemy. I was burning up all my energy, and actually giving up parts of myself just so I could feel “normal.” And so because of that, I was looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. I was like a bucket with holes at the bottom, no matter how much my loved ones poured into me, nothing was staying in.

It’s amazing just how powerful the mind really is!

I wanted to be average, ordinary, and regular. I thought that if I was like everybody else, THEN maybe everybody would accept me. I wanted to be ordinary because honestly, I knew that being extra-ordinary would require too much effort on my part. It would require me to change some things, well a LOT of things. I would have to accept the fact that not everyone was Team Britney. And that’s how Rev. Edge was able to confirm without a shadow of doubt that it was indeed a ploy of the enemy. The enemy was literally killing, stealing, and destroying my peace of mind because he knew that if I allowed him to knock me of course, then I wouldn’t be able to receive all that God had for me. And even though I was faced with a huge problem, I was able to turn to the huge problem solver; God. I had to press Reset. I had to allow Him to reconstruct me; and change my mindset. I had to allow Him to love on me. The guilt that I felt for being set apart, I had to allow Him to ease that. He was able to give me the peace that my mama used to talk about, that peace that surpasses all understanding; literally. I just had to keep my mind stayed on Him. I had to stop worrying about others, and run my own race. It took time, but through the prayers of the righteous and ridding myself of all the junk and negativity, now I can finally say I’m free; I have peace in my mind.  I see the Light. So now I am able to clearly understand and focus on God’s Will for my life.

Fast Forward>>>>

This is why we must make it our business to inspire, motivate, and uplift because we never know what people are battling internally. The battlefield of the mind is something serious, this is why I encourage people to think positively, to look for the Light in every situation, and to also surround themselves with optimistic people.

So many times we focus our attention and give our energy to the wrong things. So what someone said something mean about you, if there’s no truth to it, then it doesn’t matter. So what someone didn’t speak to you first, maybe they didn’t see you, so won’t you try saying hello to them. So what you only have two friends, if they are loyal, honest and trustworthy, that’s all you need.  So what somebody doesn’t think you’re attractive, as long as you can look in the mirror and love every lump and bump, that’s all that matters. So many of us spend way too much time chasing down lies, and we waste energy trying to impress people who have just set their minds not to like us. Stop taking your mind through that mental abuse!

Newsflash: No matter how good you are, there will always be someone who just doesn’t like you. And guess what? That’s not your problem. So stop wasting your valuable time. Remember you will always be too much of something to somebody. Too thick. Too skinny. Too short. Too tall. Too smart. Too slow. Too ambitious. Too lazy. Too passive. Too aggressive.

Wasting your time being so focused about what others are thinking about you serves you nothing. It’s not worth interrupting your peace.

Seeking the approval of others is a complete waste of  time and energy that you will not get back. It will only frustrate you when you can’t please everybody. It’s really not about whether others approve of you, but if you approve of you; and ultimately if God approves of you. This is what counts.

We must remember that trials, tribulations, obstacles, opposition, and even the opinions of others are all a part of life. We must learn not to allow things that don’t matter to bother us. Everything is not a mountain situation, some things are just mole hills; so keep calm, there’s no reason to put all your energy towards it. In the midst of those clouds, just look for the sunlight.

Life is too short to be bitter and negative, unite yourself with the people who bring the most peace. Start to distance yourself from the people who always seem to point out your problems; however they are not willing to help you find solutions to those problems.  Disconnect from people who don’t motivate you to reach your highest potential. I want to encourage you to connect with the people who can see the Light in you; the people who will encourage and uplift you. Link up with the people who will be honest with you, and bring out the best in you. Spend your time with the people who are committed to helping you get to your destiny. From friendships to intimate relationships, surround yourself with Light not darkness.

~B.

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You!” (Isaiah 26:3)

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Social Media 101: You’re The One Posting

/ britjames10 / 4 Comments

You Are The One Posting.

The internet is both good and not so good. The changing times have made us feel like if it isn’t posted on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter then it isn’t legit. From weight loss, to intimate relationships, to friendships, to being a Christian; there is a force that is driving people in 2015 that you must parade every moment of your life on social media in order for people to give you a stamp of approval.

However this is the thing, some times we take it entirely too far, and then have the audacity to get mad when people discuss us. Every high and every low, we feel as though the world needs to know. And honestly, there may be a few people who care, but I’m almost 100% positive that the majority of your friends on Facebook don’t care if your head hurts. They don’t care if the car had a flat tire. They don’t care if the kids are acting a fool. They don’t care if the ex boyfriend’s sister is cray cray and wants to fight. They don’t care if the job ended. They don’t care if the baby daddy is a deadbeat. They don’t care if the boss is rude. They don’t care if the marriage is in trouble. Real talk: Those internet friends that do not genuinely care, are screen-shotting your drama and discussing it with their friends. They are screen-shotting it and sending it to your other co-workers with the hopes that somebody will send it to the boss and get you fired. They are sending it to your Pastor with the hopes that you will be replaced as the choir President. They are sending it to your spouse with the hopes to cause more chaos and confusion. Believe it or not, there are some people who are happy about the hardship and trouble that you are facing. The drama that we choose to put out there is now the topic of everybody’s conversation. And we all know that bad news travels way faster than good news. And sure people will like it and comment on it, but read this next sentence over and over again:

The good, the bad, the ugly, if you post it on social media, please believe we are socializing about it.

So go ahead and delete the status about how everybody is in your business, and how everyone is jealous of your new car, your new job, your new dog, and your new relationship.

I told a few of my friends that social media is better than reality television.

I said earlier, you are the one posting. Since social media is the driving force of the world, when people see you on social networking sites, what do they see? Who do they see? Do they see someone who’s successful? Do they see someone who is always sad and depressed? Do they see someone who is positive and encouraging? Do they see someone who is always complaining? Do they see someone who is informative? Do they see someone who is making power moves? Do they see someone who is always keeping up mess? Do they see someone who is enjoying life?

FYI: We must remember that all most people see of you is your social media. So no matter how you try to flip it, what people read about you on your timeline is the gospel in most of their minds. They don’t really know you, know you. For me, most of my 3500 friends have only seen me maybe once, maybe shared a few conversations with me, so that means they can only judge me by what they see me post. . . right?

So many times, we forget that people judge the book by the cover. In most situations people don’t have time to open it up and read it, so we have to remind ourselves that first impressions are lasting impressions. The way you live on Social Media needs to be consistent with how you live in real life; because there may come a time, when you are face to face with one of those 3500 FB friends.

Social Media 101:

Your social media speaks volumes about you as an individual whether you want it to or not. So when people are discussing you in a negative or positive way, maybe you need to go back and check what you posted last week, last month, or even last year. The Bible tells us that a tree is known by the fruit it bears. So if you profess to be an apple tree, however all we see is oranges, please know that there will be questions. Please know that we will discuss you. No, we are not “judging” you, we are just searching for the apples. Meaning, you can’t post one thing and then do another. Your posts and your actions need to match.

On Sundays you post that you are blessed and highly favored, and you extend the invitation for everybody to come to your church to get their praise on, but by Tuesday you’re whining, cursing, complaining, and talking about how horrible your life is. Sundays and Mondays you seem to be thankful, inspired, and motivated, but Tuesday through Saturday, there doesn’t seem to be a grateful bone in your body. Newsflash: There’s no way in the world that anybody would come praise a God that it seems like is only good on 2 out of the 7 days. Because according to your tweets and posts, you are only in a good mood 25% of the time; being that that’s the only time you even act like a Christian. And since you are the one doing the posting, to the social media world you appear to be a fake and phony, because by our calculations… you are only Christ-like 25% of the time.

You are 25+ years old and you post that you’re looking for a job, but every status is about you getting high or turning up. You don’t see anything wrong with letting the world know that every week, you go out Thursday through Sunday. Your hair is pink, orange & green, and you have piercings all over your face. Newsflash: In this internet age, the minute you turn in an application please know that someone from that company goes to find you on social media, so if all they see is weed and liquor down your timeline, why on earth would they hire you? Why would they want you representing their organization? And since you are the one doing the posting, to the employer and to the social media world you appear to be childish, reckless and irresponsible.

You post that you’re ready to settle down and be in a committed relationship, yet every 4 weeks you are taking a usie” with someone different. You frequently post revealing, half-naked pictures of yourself. You’re always blasting your exes on Facebook. You screenshot and post all the text and the inbox messages between you and the person. You post subliminal statues directed to the new person in their life. Newsflash: Why would anybody want to be in a relationship with you?! Everybody and their brother has seen your assets, and what you have to offer physically. And since you are the one doing the posting, to the social media world and to the person that was once interested in you, you appear to be loose. You appear to be desperate and immature. You are showing that you are kind of emotionally unstable. And honestly, no one can take you seriously when you’ve been in 10 different relationships in one year.

And I know people like to say, they had a weak moment, or they are being real and transparent, and my suggestion for that is: be careful about doing it on Social Media. Some times we give way too much information, and some times we are not quite ready for the reactions of our internet family. Social Media is not the place to bare your soul. It wasn’t designed for that.

If you are going to live your life out loud on these social media outlets, you need to prepare yourself for everything that comes with that.

  1. The whispers, the screen shots, people asking others about you, people being in your business. Don’t get upset about it, just get ready for it.
  2. People discussing what you posted. Please stop being shocked when someone repeats something you POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. That’s what they are supposed to do, socialize about it. So just brace yourself for that.
  3. Just be mindful of what you share. Everything doesn’t have to be posted. Know that once you open it up, you give access to those 3500 people to have an opinion about it.
  4. You paint the picture of how you want the world to view you. If you want people to see you in a positive light, post positive things. If you want to be seen in a negative light, post negative things. It’s just that simple. You have total control over what you post.

I L-O-V-E social media just as much as the next person, however I told myself that my really personal and private moments would stay just that, private and personal. I also try to refrain from being a “Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy” when I’m having a not so good day, I just stay away from social media. And that’s no knock to the women that post the video of their labor & delivery, or the people who post their weight loss struggles, or the people who post every conversation with their best friend, or the people who post about their day, or the people who post everything that is going on in their relationship. It’s your account, so do whatever you want to do. All me and the rest of the social media world want, is for you to spare us the unnecessary posts about people being in your business. Just prepare yourself for all that comes along with being a Social Media Celebrity.

~B.

And Remember:

“People can’t criticize what you don’t publicize.” ~Tomeika Davis  

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